The Whole Truth: The Most Horrible Thing I Can Write by William Pham

Part 1:

Hi everyone, my name is William Pham. Today I bring forth one of the main, biggest stories planned for this blog since its construction. This entry will give more detail about my previous two blogs. It’s a significant memory I hope to gradually let go of. It carries such a strong weight and I want to be liberated from it. I advise you to keep an open mind.

Rose:

Rose was a part of my group of friends. I distinctly admired Rose for a couple of reasons. In some ways, we were similar. I loved how she didn’t care about the things I thought to be important. Her unique sense of humor didn’t always make sense to me, but it made me laugh on numerous occasions. A notable, short-lived conflict came between us in the ninth grade. Our friend Erica repeated to me Rose’s words that I was a bothersome person, and she desired my exclusion from the group. I confronted her. Rose told me I never cared to engage in group activities whilst she was the one constantly taking initiation to create bonding sessions. I explained to her I was sometimes a little quiet, and she was seeing things the wrong way. Issues were seemingly resolved, so I buried this memory. For the majority of high school following after, no issues had arisen between us. Junior year comes, and we’re put into lockdown by Covid-19. It was out of my hands that the group became distant from one another. I texted Rose every once and a while but there wasn’t much to say. I enjoyed texting her about everyday things like music and life at home.

Senior year begins, and the group is reunited. On one particular night, I opened up to Rose about personal matters. She claims to be honored by my trust in her. Winter break was coming up, and so was my birthday party. Rose tells me she cannot attend. As I insist on her attendance at the celebration, she becomes agitated. A new predicament arises a couple of days later when Rose becomes angry with me. I had been insensitive over a serious topic; a public issue that worried some of my friends. I seek forgiveness, but Rose tells me I’m asking the wrong person. Throughout all of winter break, she does not contact me. School is back in session and we didn’t speak to each other, although I kept praying that we would soon.

I confront her about this conflict and she becomes annoyed. I asked if she was still mad regarding the incident I stated earlier. Rose admits that she “didn’t really care about it” but instead was upset about a few other things. Rose claimed I was glaring at her which made her “very uncomfortable”. She also didn’t see the point of us being friends. “What would we talk about? What is there to do with each other?” she asked. I argued that she and I could just talk like we’d been doing so for the past five years. “Are friends disposable to you? I asked. “I grew up in a household where I was taught not to grow attached to people,” she replied. I tell her I’ve been going through a hard time, prompting her to say sorry. I ask if we could go back to talking like normal and she gives me a thumbs-up before we go to our classes. I felt happy at first but after a few more hours, I realized what she said was nonsensical. I came to my senses and realized how insincere she was.

Crow:

Crow was a bizarre experience. At some point, I was crushed. During senior year, I took a further analysis of my feelings. I reunited with him at the homecoming dance. Next was the Senior Night football game. Crow was busy helping other students maintain the premises. I accompanied him for a portion of the time. When we sat side by side, I started feeling shy. Initially, I had rejected seeing Crow from that perspective. We hadn’t talked for such a long time so it didn’t feel right. I ask if it is okay to approach him more often and he says yes. One afternoon, we had planned to meet for lunch but Crow cancels on me an hour before our specified time. This upsets me so I decide to talk about it. I expressed to him my disappointment and embarrassment. On the second attempt, we succeeded in meeting up and had a good chat.

Lily, who was my friend at the time, was aware of my current status with Crow. She suggests that I ask him to prom. I liked the idea, so I wrote a note of confession. “Hey, did you see my note?” I asked. “Hey, to be completely honest, I don’t reciprocate and I’ve always felt uncomfortable around you even before I saw the note. I hate to say this, but I genuinely don’t enjoy talking with you, and I feel like we just don’t click. I respect your views but for the sake of my boundaries, I think it’s best not to continue talking.” Crow replied. I was stunned. I didn't know how to feel. A little sad, mad, confused, disappointed- A mix of everything. Lily was there to comfort me. Within a few hours, I was fuming. I regret telling him how I felt, but even more, I hated his response. I started being either sad or angry at every moment. At prom, I wanted to cause a commotion but lost the chance when Crow disappeared. On Graduation, I brought a piece of paper that cursed his name. To some people, it was wrong, and to others, it was amusing. I just wanted a bit of laughter to keep me going. Crow had embarrassed me; I wanted to embarrass him back. It was all part of a long-growing resentment.

While I'm aware that the majority of readers will believe I’m being sulky for the sole fact someone had rejected my interests, I promise that's not the case. That would be pretty silly. There’s more to the story I’ll share at another time. I just hope you as the reader will be patient and keep an open mind. I care to be clear and concise with this blog, retaining the key details and excluding excessive facts.