Crow. by William Pham

04/05/23

TW// Negative emotions, negative influence, suggestive content: seeking vengeance against those who’ve hurt us.

Dear Crow Thorne,

I didn’t think I’d meet someone who would grant me a desire to hurt another physically and emotionally to such a high degree, An insatiable dejection derived from twisted desires. I remember that day we reunited on the dance floor. You looked ravishing in that black suit of yours. I approached you for the fun of it. Your reaction was what sparked a new experience. When we sat down, I remember feeling my heart beat as we were close to each other. As you erected your familiar, friendly smile, my mind traveled to many places. It had been a while since our last encounter, and there was so much I wanted to say. Then, with boldness, I requested we spend more time together: You agreed. I felt excited as the two of us would start over on a new chapter. I was happy I made the first move.

There you were at prom night, and I wanted to kill you. I dreamed of stirring drama as soon as the music stopped. But I couldn’t; It wasn’t right. Wrapping up our senior year, I’d see your face in the middle of the quad. Like always, you were helping with fundraisers, and I was the buyer. Despite your discomfort, I glared at you the entire time I was in the line. I didn’t care. I wanted to distress you because I was furious. You rejected my request for proper closure. Seeing you everywhere was irking me. Even with the entire senior grade class surrounding us, I plotted a scene. Last comes graduation. I only felt one word to describe you: Jerk. My final act of pettiness would make me and my peers laugh for weeks—a little public stunt that some may remember.

It didn’t matter if what you did was considered small by the public. To many, the reaction was nonsensical, but to me, it was absolutely comprehensible. I was bitter and wanted the crowd to be aware of that. It was the buildup from all the years back that brought me here. I had enough of the mistreatment and aimed to be the strong one: Your judgment was not canon. I presumed the correct methods of self-advocating. In my evening pondering, I think of a possible reunion. Could we become friends once again, or is there only hatred and discomfort forever between us? A notable desire to harm you in whatever ways I can lingered in my mind since April 2022; criticizing you, mocking you, dragging you. I’d do this with no shame. It’s not very considerate, but then again, you weren’t that considerate either. It’s amusing how I could perceive you like this—so much fury and desire for vengeance.

For the sake of morality, I pray you achieve your best. Although I despise those tainted memories, I can endure their haunting. May we not bear each other ill will. There’s a possibility that I am blaming you for many issues that don’t concern you. It’s because I needed to attach a face, and I thought of yours. I wish we were able to bond. All our classmates were particularly fond of you: They understood my means to approach you. Charm, kindness, and that inflection in your voice are attractive qualities. Now it’s time to hope for a future with happier, more powerful dynamics. After our little incident, I struggle to optimize taking a chance. Then again, we’ll never know the outcome unless we make an effort. As I journey for my individual aspirations, may you be able to recognize yours. Reunion or not, let’s both persevere through the turmoil. May we be triumphant.

From,

William Pham